Community Corner

'We Live it Every Day': Mothers of Soldiers Find Solace in Other Families with Deployed Loved Ones

Two Orland Park mothers saw all of their kids sent overseas to fight at once, and found comfort in each others' similar experiences.

Nancy Cassidy and Joyce Pierczynski experience 9/11 a little differently than many Americans.

Citizens will likely spend more time thinking about the attack and the two wars that stemmed from them around the yearly 9/11 anniversaries than other times of the year. The thoughts are often expressed as a combined admiration for the Armed Forces and a little fear that another attack could happen.

But for two the Orland Park mothers, the mix of emotions continues throughout the whole year.

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“For us it’s another day. It’s every day,” Cassidy said. “September 11, when I think back on it, I’m proud that my kids are in the service. But I don’t just think about it on September 11, I think about it all the time.”

Cassidy saw her son Scott, daughters Mary and Eileen White, and son in law Christopher White all deployed at the same time in as officers different areas of the U.S. Army. Christopher White is now on a tour in Afghanistan.

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Pierczynski saw her sons John, a Naval lieutenant, and Thomas, an Army captain, off on deployments at the same time as well.

Cassidy and Pierczynski found it difficult to relate their experience to people who never went through seeing a loved one leave to fight in another country.

Fortunately they found each other, and an area support group for military family members. 

The women met after Nancy’s daughter Mary and Joyce’s son Thomas were deployed out of Ft. Hood together. Shortly thereafter they started attending monthly meetings for military families organized by the Orland Park Veterans Commission.

“Most people aren’t aware of these day-to-day feelings, because only about 1 percent of Americans are serving in the Armed Forces,” Joyce Pierczynski said. “That’s why it’s important that we look after each other the way we do.”

Before and After

In July 2001, John Pierczynski started training at the U.S. Naval Academy in Annapolis, Md. while Scott Cassidy began his efforts at West Point. On Sept. 11, 2001, they were instructed to call their families to let them know they were not harmed in the attack.

When they visited their sons next in October 2001, armed guards were stationed at the academies.

“You realized this is serious, that they are soon going to a war,” Joyce Pierczynski said.

Both Joyce and Nancy felt a new apprehension about their sons’ decision to join the Armed Forces. But with sizable trust in them, and seeing that John and Scott were all the more committed, they supported them.

“My other son (Thomas) who went to West Point said ‘It’d be like a firefighter who went to the academy and trained, but never put out a fire,’” Joyce Pierczynski said. “This is what they trained for and they felt strongly about it.”

Since John and Scott were training to be officers, the families had time to adjust to them living a military life. The two set such an unwavering example that Joyce’s and Nancy’s other children applied to West Point after 9/11 and were accepted, while two wars ignited overseas.

“Because of how they handled it and how the army handled it with such respect, they felt it’s a privilege to be a part of it,” Nancy Cassidy said about their other children joining the Army. “That’s how our kids feel and so that’s how we feel. “

John Pierczynski, 29, was stationed on a destroyer off the coast of Somalia and spent three tours combating pirates as a Navy lieutenant. Thomas Pierczynski, 27, became an Army infantry captain.

Mary Cassidy, 29, serves as a captain in the Army’s communications unit. Scott Cassidy, 28, retired as an Army captain after he was wounded. Eileen White, 26, serves as a medical captain, while her husband Christopher White, 27, is on a tour in Afghanistan, serving as a captain in field artillery.

“It’s difficult for parents to let go, but you just have to trust (your kids) that it’s the life they chose,” Joyce Pierczynski said. “And it’s time to make their way in life as adults themselves, even if they are still kids to their parents.”

While communication was strong within the family, talking to people who were unaware of the true nature of military service was frustrating.

“I remember my husband and I went to Europe a few years ago when the kids were both deployed, and a friend said to us, ‘are the kids going to meet you there?’” Joyce Pierczynski said. “Some people just don’t realize what’s actually going on.”

Finding Familiarity

Around January 2007, Joyce and Nancy decided to visit the Orland Park Veterans Commission’s monthly family meeting.

The two soon found that the group respected an individual’s comfort level. In other words, if an attendee didn’t want to say more than his or her name, no one pressured them otherwise.

Nancy Cassidy didn’t talk about her children’s deployment when Scott was first sent overseas. But now she is a regular, and goes to the group whether her kids are deployed or not. The key ingredient in the group to create a comfortable atmosphere is familiarity, Joyce and Nancy said.

“There are people who sit and cry. They don’t know what to say because they haven’t dealt with (a relative’s deployment) yet,” Nancy Cassidy said. “They’ll come back three or four months later and say thank you. They just had to go through it. Everyone has to go through it. That’s why we say everyone has been where you are. The meetings help build a genuine interest in the other attending families’ situations, Joyce Pierczynski said.

“At those meetings, everyone’s experience is different. Everyone’s at a different point in time,” Joyce Pierczynski said. “You may get a new member that month and their child just was sent. They don’t know what to expect and are nervous. The next month you see that person evolve and a new person comes. We’re always interested to hear other people’s stories and how their kids are doing, and you get kind of caught up in it.”

Occasionally a soldier who returned home will come visit the group, which is a treat, Joyce and Nancy said.

“My kids are used to me going now even when they aren’t deployed,” Nancy said. “At first they may have asked, ‘why do you go?’ and I’d say ‘this is time for me and Mrs. Piersczynski to talk.’ It’s just something we look forward to.”

For more information on the Orland Park Veterans Commission, and the monthly family support meetings, call Gail Blummer at 708-403-6203.


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